Whenever someone asks me what I am afraid of, I always say the same things. “I’m scared of spiders, free-falling, and other people’s germs.” It’s a standard answer that tends to get a lot of laughs, and maybe even a few questions. It’s only to myself that I reveal the other thing I am most afraid of; change.
As humans, we are creatures of habit. How you think, solve problems, and even talk is all habitual to how you’ve always done it. You start off not knowing how to do something, and once you’ve mastered it, you stick with that method because you know it works. The only way we adapt new habits is by changing them, deciding one day that we’ve now found a new way that works even better than the old one. I have no problem with that kind of change. If it wasn’t for that process, I’d still be eating newspaper like I used to when I was 6. But thankfully, I found that a better method to curing my hunger was eating actual food. I needed change. We all do.
Change is natural, and a part of growing up. But there is a kind of change that is scarier, because it comes when you least expect it. I’m talking about the kind of change that rips everything you’ve ever been accustomed to, right from under you. It seems I’ve had way too much experience with this particular kind of change.
People tell me to enjoy every moment while I have it, but sometimes that is a hard thing for me to do. I think deep down inside, I am afraid that things will change before I get a chance to fully let go and have a good time. So I don’t.
Take this last year for example, I have lost friends, my passions for the things I love (thankfully only sometimes), and any sense of what I want to do with my future. Change has taken the things I was comfortable with, and turned everything upside down.
I’ve decided to fix this the only way I know how, with my writing. I took a psychology class last year that taught me that one way to deal with your fear, is to face it dead on. So here I am, doing just that.
The funniest part of all this, is that when the dust settles and my life is done changing so radically, I’ll be able to see the bright side to all this. I’ll look back on it and see everything I was meant to learn. Change isn’t forever, and neither is fear. Everyday we get stronger, wiser, more equipped to handle everything life throws our way…Adapting new and better habits along the way.
Until then I’ll just be here, learning and preparing for what’s coming next.
Vibe on, friends. (And I’ll try not to wait so long before my next post ❤)